Before you dive beak-first into this tell-all guide on mastering the art of parrot parenting, flap on over to my Instagram account dedicated solely to my technicolor tribe of talkers. You can find it at Dia’s Bird Family on Instagram. Trust me, if my pictures don’t give you wing envy, I don’t know what will.

Now, let’s get down to business

Oh, you think owning a goldfish is a commitment? Try having a feathery roommate that talks back! Yep, I’m talking about parrots, the sass-masters of the pet world. I’ve got a whole flock of these wise-crackers—African Greys, Rainbow Lorikeets, and even a pair of lovey-dovey African Lovebirds. They’re not just vibrant feathers and beaks; they’ve got personality for days.

Okay, real talk. Parrots are basically the triple threats of the avian kingdom—beautiful, intelligent, and a whole lot of work. If you’re pondering whether to welcome one of these winged wonders into your life, there are a few things you should consider. And lucky for you, I’ve compiled some sage advice on the topic.

Your Parrot Needs a Penthouse, Not a Shoebox

Think you can just stick Polly in any old cage? Think again. Parrots need space to stretch their wings, climb like they’re in a jungle gym, and hang out on horizontal bars—sort of like an avian CrossFit. Make sure the cage has a removable bottom tray because nobody, including your bird, wants to live in a dump. Location-wise, keep it somewhere well-lit but not scorching under direct sunlight. And remember, no one likes to eat dinner next to the bathroom, so keep the cage away from the kitchen and other stink sources.

Eat Your Veggies, Skip the Chips

Your parrot needs a balanced diet, and no, pizza crust doesn’t count. About 60-70% should be specialized pellets that have all those nutrients and vitamins parrots need but don’t know they want. Seeds are the junk food of the bird world—delicious but not the healthiest. Mix in some fruits and veggies, and you’re golden. Oh, and nuts? A great reward, but don’t go nuts with them; they’re as fatty for birds as they are for you.

Water: It’s Not Just for Bathing

I know we all love a good sip of coffee or a swig of soda, but your parrot needs fresh, clean H2O. Change the water daily because stale water is a bacteria party waiting to happen. And speaking of baths, parrots love a good splash. Either provide a shallow dish or get ready for a tropical shower time duet.

Not Just a Pretty Face

Okay, your parrot is a social butterfly and needs interaction. Otherwise, they’ll start acting like a toddler without a nap—feather plucking, biting, and screeching galore. So spend some quality time with your feathered friend. Teach them tricks, give them toys, and for the love of all things holy, talk to them. They might just talk back.

A Yearly Check-Up Won’t Ruffle Any Feathers

Remember, Dr. Doolittle is a fictional character; real animals need real vets. Make sure you take your parrot to an avian vet for an annual once-over. If something seems off, don’t play the waiting game—contact your vet.

To sum it up, parrots are not your set-it-and-forget-it kind of pet. They need love, care, and a healthy serving of daily drama. Do it right, and you’ll have a friend who not only keeps you company but might also keep you in stitches with their antics.