Oh, sweet gossip, that spice of life that flavors every huddle in the Guard House at Madeleine Academy. It’s like the school’s own special brew of coffee, except it’s bitter, and you don’t even need a cup—just a pair of ears. So, let’s have a little chat about this not-so-secret society of sideline sitters, shall we?

A year and a half back, yours truly was an honorary member of this lounge club. I was there for my son, Ken, who had more separation anxiety than a cat at a dog show. I was such a fixture outside his classroom, the principal might as well have bolted that chair to the floor for me. I was grateful, don’t get me wrong, but let’s just say Ken wasn’t exactly running for ‘Most Likely to Wander Off.’

Fast forward to now, and what a difference a year, a marriage, and a new dad for Ken makes. Ralph, the hubby, comes from the land of independence and bald eagles. He couldn’t fathom why my shadow was practically a permanent fixture in Ken’s classroom. And guess what? His fresh take worked wonders! Now, Ken’s waving me goodbye with barely a backward glance. Go figure!

Teaching the kiddos independence is kind of like giving them a cheat sheet for life’s big bad tests. If they’re always looking for mommy in the wings, you might as well hand them a blank paper. We won’t be around forever, and the thought of them floundering? Nope, not on my watch.

Nowadays, I breeze into school only for those must-show parental cameos or to hand over a small fortune for tuition. And surprise, surprise—I’ve become the Guard House’s favorite soap opera. Apparently, my life’s as juicy as a ripe mango to these folks. The other night, my pal spilled the tea that these matriarchs of murmurs can’t help but chat about yours truly. They run their mouths like it’s a marathon and treat gossip like it’s gospel.

What’s the hot gossip on me? Who cares! I barely know these people. Maybe they think my blissful marriage and, ahem, healthy home life (I mean, when was the last time they… never mind) is some kind of prime-time drama for their viewing pleasure.

So, to the gossipy Guard House gang: Keep your stories. I’ve got better things to do—like living my fabulous life and, occasionally, enjoying those ‘boring’ school subjects. But seriously, keep it up with the chatter—it’s not like you have much else to do, right?

Let’s leave it at that.