So last Saturday, I decided to reward myself after yoga by diving into full-blown spiritual whiplash — aka watching The Conjuring: Last Rites. Because, you know, after stretching my hamstrings and finding inner peace, what better way to cap the day than by scaring the bejesus out of myself?
And no, I don’t care what some of these lukewarm reviews are saying. “Less horror, more drama,” they say. “It’s emotional,” they whisper. WELL GUESS WHAT — I was still clutching my imaginary rosary beads like it was 2013 all over again and Annabelle was peeking from under my bed.
Equal Parts Fear and Feelings
First of all, yes — it was more emotional. And no, I was not prepared for it.
The moment that wrecked me? That dang scene where Ed Warren throws the museum room key to Judy’s fiancé. Like…EXCUSE ME? I didn’t sign up to cry in a horror movie. But there I was, sniffling quietly while also clutching my husband’s arm in case something terrifying appears in the scene. That single key toss hit harder than my favorite K-drama finales.
Is this their way of saying it’s over? Like, this is really the last ride? The final exorcism? The final crucifix hurrah? Because if it is, I’m not okay. Unless we’re talking binge-watching all four Conjurings again — in which case, I absolutely am.
10/10 — Would Haunt Myself Again
Let’s just set the record straight. I give this movie a solid 10 out of 10. No hesitation. No “it’s good for a horror sequel” nonsense. This is just good, period. Suspenseful, heartfelt, creepy, and — unexpectedly — deeply human.
I mean, they even got me to finally follow Vera Farmiga on Instagram. I don’t know why I hadn’t done it before. She’s basically the Meryl Streep of supernatural films. She could read the alphabet while holding a cross and I’d still give her an Oscar.
The Internet is Now Possessed
Naturally, the internet is crawling (pun intended) with supernatural stuff again. I went from watching movie clips to Googling “Annabelle real location” to finding myself in the rabbit hole of haunting TikToks — you know, the usual spiral.
I even dug through my own archives and — lo and behold — I have my very own haunting footage from 9 years ago. While doing my makeup, the door behind me kept opening and closing… and I didn’t even notice until I was editing the video. 🙃
Moral of the story: if your mind isn’t tuned to spooky, you won’t get scared. Meanwhile, I was out here casually powdering my face while Casper was trying to say hi.
Final Thoughts (and Prayers)
I’m truly grateful to have experienced the entire Conjuring series. Every jump scare, every demonic possession, every time Ed almost dies but somehow doesn’t — it’s been a wild, holy-water-soaked ride.
And while The Conjuring: Last Rites might be the end of the line, a girl can still dream. Prequel, anyone? Maybe “The Conjuring: First Whisper”? Or “The Conjuring: Baby Demon Diaries”?
Whatever it is, I’ll be watching — probably right after yoga.
Namaste and don’t forget to sage your mirrors.
