Alright universe, this joke has officially gone too far. It’s been one week—yes, a full seven days—since my sweet, three-legged troublemaker Septer decided to go off-grid and activate stealth mode. Honestly, cats! Can’t live with them, can’t trust them not to hitch a secret ride on your pickup truck.
Let’s rewind to the last known whereabouts of this feline Houdini. June 11, approximately 3:02 pm: CCTV clearly caught her casually strolling toward our parked car. And then? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Our surveillance unfortunately stops at the vehicle, so now I’m stuck in this emotional roller coaster, theorizing scenarios ranging from slightly comical to utterly tragic.
Top theory? Septer might have found herself a snug little spot behind the spare tire of our truck. Great hiding spot, terrible travel arrangement. The upsetting part of this theory (aside from everything, really) is imagining her hopping off somewhere along the main highway—God forbid anything awful happened. Just the thought makes me want to simultaneously cry and slap myself silly for not triple-checking before driving off!
The second gut-punching fact? Septer isn’t exactly built for speed. She’s our adorable three-legged champ who hops around with confidence but certainly can’t outrun the canine gangsters patrolling every corner of our subdivision. Seriously, it feels like Dogsville out here, and a slow-moving kitty stands about as much chance as I do winning a marathon.
And let’s not even get started on food and water. Cue ugly crying. The mere thought of her being hungry or thirsty breaks my heart. Where’s my little pirate-cat finding her daily meal? Has she stumbled upon some kindly neighbors or is she resorting to wildlife survival skills?
Wherever you are, Septer, I hope you’re safe and sound. If you’re reading this (because hey, miracles happen!), please come home. Your food bowl misses you. I miss you.
Meanwhile, dear neighbors, friends, and cosmic forces: Please keep your eyes open for a slightly sassy, three-legged cat possibly eyeing your parked vehicles suspiciously. Septer, your adventure is officially over—come back home!
