The Downside


I have been working since I woke up. But I tend to pause from time to time because something seems to be missing. As I have mentioned in my previous post, Ralph no longer works for the school in Chicago that I’m still working for. But he is presently employed by another company. I guess it just feels different now that the work environment has changed. I know that I have always asked my superiors not to get me in the same project with Ralph because we don’t work well together at times, but it’s weird ‘coz I’m actually missing our tandem.

Also, it used to be convenient coz I can just ask him anytime whenever I encounter some issues with my VPN connection, or how the files are going to be handled and stuffs like that, but now, he’s either always sleeping when I’m working (his schedule is at night when I’m the one in bed), or he just minds his own business when he sees me clocked in. It’s like we’re strangers now when it comes to our respective jobs.

Maybe that also explains why I have been having weird dreams lately. Two days ago I had this dream where I was trying to catch a flight. The flight was supposed to be at 5:30PM and when I got to the booth where I’m supposed to check in, the receptionist pointed to the clock to say that I’m late and that if I want to reschedule, that I should pay more. I think I ended up paying the additional amount but what happened next was already blurry and vague. All I know is that Ralph was never in the picture and the world was kind of gloomy and dim. Maybe because we’ve also been experiencing a daily power interruption. That should explain the dim part of my dream.

Last night’s dream was somewhat similar in meaning but this time Ralph was in the picture. We were all getting ready to travel to Bacolod and I felt pressured to beautify myself for Ralph (which is really not happening in real life. I was never pressured to look good for him). After hours of picking out what to wear, I was left waiting in the van because Ralph was busy attending to something. I can still clearly recall that the van was parked right next to our favorite Mila’s Restaurant. My mom and dad were both seated in the front while I was alone at the back waiting for my husband. And when Ralph finally showed up, he made some guy sit right next to me while he sat after the guy so it looked like the guy was being sandwiched by us. Before the engine of the van turned on, I complained about the sitting arrangement saying “So you made me wait this whole time only to be seated right next to a stranger?”. I then gathered my bag and motioned for the guy to move coz I was going to get out of the van. I didn’t see Ralph objecting which is really shocking because in the real world, he would have already yelled at me to stay or would have already thrown whatever object he has with him just to have his way. So I ended up getting a tricycle and I saw myself staring at the van while the tricycle was steering me away from view. It was really weird coz it felt so real. I definitely felt the heaviness in the chest because Ralph didn’t do anything. Then the tricycle which was supposed to take me home took me somewhere else. I wasn’t sure if we were lost but I ended up in the market where there were so many people. There was a guy who tried to make advances but the old woman in one of the stalls informed me that the guy was mentally retarded and that I should excuse him. I also kept looking for Ralph there as if completely forgetting the earlier scene. The next scenes just went so fast. I kept walking around in circles till I finally found the road. The road was completely empty. I was the only one there. I started walking in high hopes that I might find a vehicle passing by.

And then I woke up to the noise that my chattering lory was making. It was already 8AM. And here I am now, staring at my computer screen… gathering all motivations I can get to work continuously so that I can finish my hours before the week ends. So help me God.


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